There are very rare occasions when a man doubts himself. “Man” doesn’t doubt. He has a justification for everything. And they are perfectly reasonable too. But these rare doubts question his existence. Something unjustifiable shatters the plinth his self is built on.
A girl asked him a question.
“How can you say you love me?”
“How can you say it’s true. Not an infatuation? The forever love.”
“How are you so sure about it?”
He could have said a hundred things to convince her, and he did try. But somewhere inside started a turmoil. That was a valid question. How could he prove it to her?
He thought about it. Read about it. Researched about it. And I am not joking, He did all of it. But not one scientifically proved test. Just psychological tests but even they don’t guarantee the proof of “forever love”.
And I must tell you. That girl is the most hard headed girl he has ever come across, except his mother. Adamant. And not the throwing tantrum kind. The silent logical stare *shoving it in your face* kind. She won’t budge without getting the proper answer to that question.
What could you do when you can’t prove what is there in abundance. Its frustrating. I recall the story of the guy who reached the land of blinds. He knew what it was, yet an utter failure to prove it.
I mean, a guy listens to you all the time whenever you talk, he’s a good listener.
A guy tries to solve all your daily life problems on the phone, he’s wise.
A guy tries to tell you what real world is like to his best knowledge so that you could be mentally strong and be prepared for it, he’s practical.
A guy fights with you and reconciles with you even when you are wrong, he treasures you.
A guy gets jealous when you talk about other guys and tries to hide it, he’s cute.
A guy gives you handmade gifts, he is creative.
A guy runs to you no matter the distance just because he thought you needed him, he’s caring.
A guy cried in front of you, he considers you best friend.
A guy goes through this cycle for years, even after he’s been told there’s no hope as a response to his confession, he’s stupid.
Stupid he was. It doesn’t prove it’s eternal.
And one day, the sad truth suddenly hit him.
She won’t budge ever.
Not because he couldn’t prove it. But because she doesn’t want it to be proved. It was he that needed her. If he walks away from her life, she would lose her best friend. That we all do, at all stages of life. His pain would be, painful, if nothing else. And lingering. But she’ll move on in her busy life, in her ambitions, in weaving the world around her the way she wanted.
So he decided to do so, walk away, one step at a time. He decided to give her what she wanted from him, a best friend. He acted the way he was with his friends, except one thing. He couldn’t share his true feelings with her ever again.
They were bound to grow apart.
They have been in different cities all time, now the connection grew distant too.
What’s left is him staring at her WhatsApp profile “online”, her Facebook chat color green. And hoping each time she changed her display picture to something he once said he liked, that she’s remembering him.
I don’t know if he did right. I personally believe that if he had gotten rid of that self doubt, he could have kept clinching and it could have been either way. He should not have doubted himself.
But not doubting meant he believed that it was the true love she asked about.