Hey.. How have you been? Sorry we couldn’t talk these days. I am too busy I guess.

Actually not.

I was going through that scroll you gave, few moments ago. The one with those glued up prescription pad pages of yours. It was a fun ride of the days back. Sitting here today now, when every step taken is intended to a future I don’t know what shape would take, it feels very refreshing to look at the rear-view mirror to have a glimpse of what just passed by. Jeez.. How did you ever get the idea of that scroll??

Anyways, I just felt like telling you some things which I would have wanted to hear straight if I were in your place.

I still remember the time when you left for college. I had many friends before who went to different colleges in different cities, but I never felt a fleeting sensation of insecurity, which hit me when you left. It didn’t even happen with my best friend. I was feeling restless, calculating time intervals to find that perfect hour on the clock, when calling you would reach you as very normal. I didn’t want to know about your new friends because I felt jealous. Obviously, they were having more of your time and attention. You were busy all of a sudden. All I did was listen to you, your college stories, problems, wonders, ambitions, on phone. But then friends are supposed to do all that.

Now I am in your place. But we still are different. You might want to know what’s happening with me, and I am not sharing much. I am not calling you to tell my college stories. I know you are not jealous of the friends I have. Because friends don’t get jealous, right? Might be a bit cross with me due to my low responsiveness. But you are clever. Somewhere, not pretty deep, you know I am intentionally doing this. God! It’s difficult being friends with an intelligent girl. Loving her is a different ball game entirely.

So, I’ve met some great people here. People who share my tastes. People who share my thoughts. People who make you feel good just by their presence, like thank God there are people like them and the planet earth is still not doomed.

But I always find some space in between them all and me. I tried to measure that space just so I could chalk out a plan on how to fill it. It equals to the space occupied by one person to be precise. On detailed calculation it was revealed that that space is equal to the space filled by a person of average height, maybe 5.3 or 5.4 ft. Body structure is quite variable, could fit both thin and thick. The “space” supposed could accommodate a pair of glasses too.

Anyways, I feel I am not same as before. Feel like I am turning insane. Not saying I was sane before. But a no-good insane. I adore people in love, people who found love, and feel jealous. I feel like gutting the people who just suffered breakup. Bunch of cry-babies, like they actually believed things will work out. Did you see? I am turning negative and it’s getting bad. My sarcasms are getting worse. Not in content but in emotions. I feel like the feeling called love has seeped out of me and empathy and patience are next in line. But don’t worry, it is not effecting my work. Neither it would ever. It’s just that, I am not the me I like without you. Though you were the one to talk on and on and on and gibberish on that matter, and I was the one listening and smiling to myself on this side of the phone. For God’s sake, we have played Indian Idol on phone. Crazy things you do for love.

I sometimes wish things were not so jumbled up. I wish the feeling would have been mutual, either mine or yours. Because if there is someone up there in the sky, keeping an eye on us all, even He would be smiling seeing how my heart beats when you laugh. It’s magical. And He would also smile when you catch me low, just by the fluctuation of my voice on the phone. These bonds are rare.

I am on a path the destination of which is unseen. I am changing but don’t know into what. I like surprises but not at the cost of my own originality. You were the anchor which held me down. One who helped keeping me myself. But then you need to be yourself too. I heard somewhere that if a friendship survives seven years it lasts for eternity. You’ll be here for eternity, in my writings.

I’ll flirt with you, fight with you..
grab popcorn and ice-cream to see movie with you,
I’ll sing for you, dance with you..
I’ll gaze all night at stars with you..
I am going to keep the promise anyhow,
One way or the other
I am going to grow old with you..

– Aalekh


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