I don’t know where to start it all from. 12 years have been passed. I’ve always thought of this time out of the blues in these past years, and each time, have laughed it off. It never felt near, always a distant possibility. Lying myself each time that plenty of time is in our hands. And now..
I still remember how hard it was to convince Maa and Papa to bring you home. “Who will take care of him?” was always a deal-breaker. You can’t easily convince your parents when you are fourteen. Luckily for me, one day they did get convince. Though to be very honest, we thought we will bring you in as little as they come, “eyes not opened yet”. So you can imagine our surprise when we found you pretty large and as old as 2-3 months when we first saw you. Boy you grew fast! And well I loved you the first time I saw you. I don’t remember when I laughed harder, the time when you slurped up all the milk given in the first go, like you’ve been hungry for an eternity, or the moment when Papa approved you, given the look of disbelief in Maa’s eyes after seeing your single frame body.
I was the happiest fourteen year old in town that day. And have been the happiest chap in my age category since then.
Many people have asked me across the time, whose my best friend. My answer’s always been you. One who never revealed my secrets, always heard my random rantings with patience, always was there for me during my lows without a single sigh. You never bailed on me and have always allowed me to sleep on you. You never shook hands, never brought the ball back, but instead ran away with the ball wanting me to chase you and then ended up puncturing the ball. Even the fully bloated basketball!
I’ve never seen someone as graceful, as casually cheeky, as dumb, as cute as you.
Each time when you were unwell due to one reason or the other, it just made me realize how crucial your existence has turned out to be for me, for us. And now when you are going to sleep on for too long..
It’s unfair. I asked you to be all fit and fine the next time we meet. You are not keeping our promise. I know its selfish for me asking you to even breathe but.. You know how my relationship with God is. I rarely pray. And its always the same routine of thanking for everything and asking for guidance. Last time I asked Him to heal you. To make you healthy even if the cost was something I would bear. It’s stupid, but I have been eager to hear your dramatic recovery since my leg got twisted. It was one thing not hearing to me when I asked Him to help me score good marks in exams, but this? Why would you go so far to prove that dumb story right that dogs take any harm meant for their masters on themselves? Couldn’t you just let it be just the opposite for once?
I wish you could read it and understand it that you are and always will be one of the most precious things in my life. And not being able to do anything for you, the feeling of helplessness can’t be measured and quantified in terms of physical pain. I know it was I who made the initial suggestion of relieving you of the pain you are going through all along. Because I saw you that it wasn’t just the body, it was your self esteem that shattered during this period. It might sound funny to many people around, but I understood you, when you stood outside in the rain but refused to take help to climb the stairs back inside. But now my resolution has dissolved. Just eat all the cabbage you want.. even eggs too.. but don’t leave.. Just get well overnight.. You have taught me things which I never thought you even knew. Please teach me one last thing. Please teach me that miracles do happen..
I know how much you love to run away just because you want me to chase you. Just don’t go so far that I won’t be able to.
I know I have been selfish above, but the kid that grinned like a fool when he brought you home 12 years ago at least deserves to speak his heart. You’ve been the best friend I needed till now. Finally, its my turn to be the one for you. I might never be able to forgive myself for not being able to be there with you tomorrow, but will try to remind myself that it gave you the freedom you always deserved.
I just wish you could speak and tell me it is the right decision.